Step One: Acknowledge the fear.
I know what it’s like to be paralyzed by fear. Not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually.It’s earth shattering.
Everything seems like it’s crashing down. You feel like you’re slipping back - like all your hard work and progress is just PFT. Down the drain.
But it’s not like that at all.
I believe you’re hitting this wall because you’re ready to take the next step in growing yourself.
But how do you take the next step when you feel like you can hardly move?
Admitting that you’re afraid is the first step to conquering that fear.
If you can take that first step - even if it’s wobbly and unsure - then you can take the rest of the steps.
Ready?
Step two: Realize fear is destroying a precious part of your life.
What you’ll need:
- A piece of paper
- A pen
- 15 to 30 minutes
I was afraid of driving. Like, deathly afraid. I hated getting behind the wheel of a car, and couldn’t even get myself to leave the neighborhood when I was. Even with the encouragement of my parents, I couldn’t mentally admit to myself that I was good enough to be dubbed with control over a vehicle.
Especially one carrying my family in it.
It got to the point where I’d have to pull over to the side of the road and cry while my mother tried to calm me down.
I’d refuse to drive, and would get any number of emotions - from angry to weepy - when asked to. (Just bein’ honest here.)
After admitting my fear and being shown that there is a certain freedom in driving, I took the time to make a list of all the POSITIVE things I’d benefit from while learning to drive. Here it is.
- I’ll be working toward getting my license.
- My license will give me the freedom to drive without anyone else in the car OR the privilege to give rides to any of my awesome peeps.
- I’ll get total domination over the radio.
- I’ll get to pick out my own car for the future without feeling pressured or stressed.
- I have the option of driving to work and feeling like an accomplished teenager.
- I will not have to learn how riding the bus works.
Now I want you to do the same thing.
What are the benefits you’ll receive after conquering your fear? List them out. ALL of them. Include a description of the satisfaction and triumphant joy you’ll feel. Keep going until you have a good handful that stick in your brain and make you want to conquer this fear just so you can experience the benefits.
Keep your list and mentally save your top three motivational + fear moving list items in your brain.
You’ll need them for later.
Step three: Take action to extinguish your fear.
What you’ll need:
- Openness toward viewing the problem
- Someone patient and kind you can reach out to and discuss things with
You’ve admitted you’re afraid. You have a handful of motivational benefits written down on a scrap piece of paper.
What’s next?
Now we discuss your action plan.
I don’t know what your fear is, but whatever it may be, you’re here because you’ve realized it’s taking a toll on your life. It’s making things so much more complicated than they have to be and it’s time for you to conquer it.
But how?
It’s hard to make yourself do something when you’re afraid of doing it. This is why you’re going to need an accountability partner. Someone whom you trust and will feel comfortable talking to about your fear.
Sit down with your friend and explain to them how afraid you are. Tell them it’s taking a toll on important things if your life. Don’t turn it into complaining and try not to lash out. Just explain how you feel. Then ask for help. Tell them you need an action plan, and someone who’s willing to back you up and hold you accountable.
This step is essential because if you tell someone about your fear, and how you’re ready to conquer it (or at least you know you should conquer it), they’ll be a reminder that sits in the back of your head while you’re facing that fear.
They won’t let you get away with backing down or using your fear as an excuse.
Your partner will hold you accountable and help you along on your fear conquering journey.
Step four: Repeatedly do what you are afraid of.
What you’ll need:
- Endurance
- Patience
- Your list from step 2
The only way to really conquer your fear is to conquer it repeatedly.
The first time I got behind the wheel of a car, I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. And every time afterward, it seemed to get worse. It took me awhile, but after I opened up, felt the fear and got through it, something happened.
Something shifted.
The next time, it didn’t feel so hard.
Granted, it was still hard. But I had proven to myself that I could do it before, so I was more than capable of doing it again.
Each time I got behind the wheel of the car and backed out of the driveway, it got easier. With every turn, it got easier. There are still ups and down, still small bouts of fears coupled with “what if’s” but because I’ve shown myself over and over that I can do it, I do it.
And so can you.
Step five: Reconsider giving up when you feel like giving up.
Maybe you haven’t been able to conquer your fear yet. Maybe you haven’t even tried. Or you have, but you “chickened out”. You didn’t go all the way through with it.That’s okay.
Talk to your accountability partner and reevaluate. What will help you face this fear? What can you do to break it down and take baby steps?
Whatever happens, don’t give up.
Remember that list you wrote a few steps back? If you ever feel like giving up, read that list. Add to it. Start it over. Renew your motivation. I know this is hard, but I promise that as soon as you get through this - as soon as you see the light on the other side - you’ll see how this part of the journey was worth the struggle.
If I can help or support you in any way, please feel free to contact me at: rosecolflesh@gmail.com.
I know you can do this. I believe in you.
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1 comments
This is so encouraging, oh my goodness. I'd never thought of making a list of positive things that will result from overcoming the fear. I feel like I hold myself back in so many areas, so this post was so helpful. Love you, Rosie. <3
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